A promise to one's mom cannot be broken. That is a universal truth. But sometimes fulfilling said promise takes more than just wanting to do it. You are your strong brave mother's daughter. How hard for you to write this. It was hard for me to read. Could only read one paragraph at a time. Had to go fuss about the kitchen to catch my breath before reading more. Thank you. You definitely deserve a bourbon tonight. I will have one and toast to your mom.
Kelly I love that you read it like that! It took me days to write this (well it took me a whole year, but), I truly think that's maybe how it should be read. XO
Oh God! I started crying so hard while reading this. My mom has Alzheimer’s and I am an only child. I can see my future self in this story and my heart breaks. I’m the caregiver and this disease is relentless on both of us. The peony is my favorite flower and I can almost smell it and that moment. Love is…
Kate, I am sending you all the strength I have. Alzheimer's was my mom's worst fear, and I can not fathom how strong you will have to be to get through this with her. Be so good to yourself. XO
I can barely type this through tears of sorrow and gratitude for having her as my bestie. We laughed, made mischief, ate amazing meals, traveled, sang, and all the rest. Her German stoicism and my marshmallow sensitivity hardly seem compatible, but somehow together we were just right. I am Oma to my grandchildren because of her. I miss her so much. 🥰
Oh Stephanie! This did me in. It is incredibly beautiful and absolutely heartbreaking all in one. It is also a gift to so many of us and a nudge for us to tell our stories. Your writing about your mom’s death journey is poignant, gut wrenching and so honest. I have stage 4 metastatic sarcoma cancer. It spread to my lungs a few years ago. At the moment I’m doing ok because it’s kind of hiding in the weeds for now. I needed to hear this story - although I didn’t know I did until I read part one and two over 3 times now! Your mom is teaching me lessons even in her afterlife. My story is different. I’m living a life knowing I have a time bomb nested inside of me. I wasted my first year feeling angry and sorry for myself. This year, I’m trying to just live my life as long as I have to live it. And your story about your amazing mom will be helpful in so many ways as I go forward. Thank you for writing it!! 🙏❤️
PS: I have a story to tell that may be helpful to others. Let me know if you ever would like me to share.
MONA! I am sending you so much love! And I would be honored to work on and publish your story if you're willing!! send me a direct message on this platform, or an email to stephaniemarchmn@gmail.com ... XOXOXOX
This is so fucking beautiful and heartbreaking and real and lovely. What incredible gifts you gave each other in those last hours. Thank you for telling this whole big hard story. xojh
My grandmother passed last fall and she was in a home so we had pretty frequent nurse/staff/hospice/etc. visitors stopping in to advise/help and even so, it was tricky to know what was normal, what we should do, etc. so I am so impressed by your strength and commitment to do it at home without people there - I can't imagine the indecision and stress on top of the sadness. But she is so lucky to have had you there and to be in her own bed... something many are not able to do! She sounds like an incredible person and so much wisdom and knowledge to be taken from how she approached her final months. Thank you so much for sharing!
Thanks Erin! I pressed her on how she wanted to go, but she never waivered. I can't say what might have been different if the illness had lasted longer though. Thanks for this note, I'm glad you found something in this! XO
Sitting with tears. Thank you for having the courage to share. Many of us will be in your shoes if we haven’t already. I hope to do everything I can to support my mother according to her wishes. As you did for yours. 💞
So beautiful to have your mother, your flesh and blood and heart in your own heart demonstrate to you the reality and the certainty of mortality. What a grand legacy. And bittersweet as well. Even though you handled it all with grace and courage I’m sure you miss her like crazy. Thank you for sharing and to your Mom who made you promise to do so. She still lives in you.
I lost my mama back in 2002. I had been there for the day visiting. My siblings and dad were taking turns. Tuesday was my day. I'd drop my older son off at daycare, and bundle Leo my 5mo up to visit my mom. I think she hung on to meet Leo.
At the end of our visit, I got up to leave. She was on morphine, out of it, resting on.a hospital bed the hospice people helped us setup in a common area of the house. My dad asked me, "Aren't you going to say goodbye to your mom?" I guess I was distracted by my new baby and probably needed to get back to do the daycare pickup. I went back and hugged, kissed her and told her I loved her. She died later that night.
A promise to one's mom cannot be broken. That is a universal truth. But sometimes fulfilling said promise takes more than just wanting to do it. You are your strong brave mother's daughter. How hard for you to write this. It was hard for me to read. Could only read one paragraph at a time. Had to go fuss about the kitchen to catch my breath before reading more. Thank you. You definitely deserve a bourbon tonight. I will have one and toast to your mom.
Kelly I love that you read it like that! It took me days to write this (well it took me a whole year, but), I truly think that's maybe how it should be read. XO
Oh God! I started crying so hard while reading this. My mom has Alzheimer’s and I am an only child. I can see my future self in this story and my heart breaks. I’m the caregiver and this disease is relentless on both of us. The peony is my favorite flower and I can almost smell it and that moment. Love is…
Kate, I am sending you all the strength I have. Alzheimer's was my mom's worst fear, and I can not fathom how strong you will have to be to get through this with her. Be so good to yourself. XO
It’s a constant. Thank you Steph. I appreciate all the love, understanding and prayers sent my way. 💕
I can barely type this through tears of sorrow and gratitude for having her as my bestie. We laughed, made mischief, ate amazing meals, traveled, sang, and all the rest. Her German stoicism and my marshmallow sensitivity hardly seem compatible, but somehow together we were just right. I am Oma to my grandchildren because of her. I miss her so much. 🥰
You two were the best yin and yang! We were so lucky to have her, yeah? I will never not miss her.
Oh Stephanie! This did me in. It is incredibly beautiful and absolutely heartbreaking all in one. It is also a gift to so many of us and a nudge for us to tell our stories. Your writing about your mom’s death journey is poignant, gut wrenching and so honest. I have stage 4 metastatic sarcoma cancer. It spread to my lungs a few years ago. At the moment I’m doing ok because it’s kind of hiding in the weeds for now. I needed to hear this story - although I didn’t know I did until I read part one and two over 3 times now! Your mom is teaching me lessons even in her afterlife. My story is different. I’m living a life knowing I have a time bomb nested inside of me. I wasted my first year feeling angry and sorry for myself. This year, I’m trying to just live my life as long as I have to live it. And your story about your amazing mom will be helpful in so many ways as I go forward. Thank you for writing it!! 🙏❤️
PS: I have a story to tell that may be helpful to others. Let me know if you ever would like me to share.
MONA! I am sending you so much love! And I would be honored to work on and publish your story if you're willing!! send me a direct message on this platform, or an email to stephaniemarchmn@gmail.com ... XOXOXOX
You loved her fully and beautifully until the end, and that's the most any of us can ask for. What an incredible tribute to an incredible woman.
This is so fucking beautiful and heartbreaking and real and lovely. What incredible gifts you gave each other in those last hours. Thank you for telling this whole big hard story. xojh
Thank YOU Jill for always being there to talk about the hard stuff. XO
I don't know the words to let you know how beautiful this is. Thank you for sharing again. What a mom!
My grandmother passed last fall and she was in a home so we had pretty frequent nurse/staff/hospice/etc. visitors stopping in to advise/help and even so, it was tricky to know what was normal, what we should do, etc. so I am so impressed by your strength and commitment to do it at home without people there - I can't imagine the indecision and stress on top of the sadness. But she is so lucky to have had you there and to be in her own bed... something many are not able to do! She sounds like an incredible person and so much wisdom and knowledge to be taken from how she approached her final months. Thank you so much for sharing!
Thanks Erin! I pressed her on how she wanted to go, but she never waivered. I can't say what might have been different if the illness had lasted longer though. Thanks for this note, I'm glad you found something in this! XO
Sitting with tears. Thank you for having the courage to share. Many of us will be in your shoes if we haven’t already. I hope to do everything I can to support my mother according to her wishes. As you did for yours. 💞
"Among the flowing folds of petals in the peony I realized the difference between thinking, and knowing." Heartbreaking and heart opening all at once.
So beautiful to have your mother, your flesh and blood and heart in your own heart demonstrate to you the reality and the certainty of mortality. What a grand legacy. And bittersweet as well. Even though you handled it all with grace and courage I’m sure you miss her like crazy. Thank you for sharing and to your Mom who made you promise to do so. She still lives in you.
Thanks Robin, I think I will never not miss her. XO
(((((((Stephanie))))))
Thank you for sharing such a personal story.
I lost my mama back in 2002. I had been there for the day visiting. My siblings and dad were taking turns. Tuesday was my day. I'd drop my older son off at daycare, and bundle Leo my 5mo up to visit my mom. I think she hung on to meet Leo.
At the end of our visit, I got up to leave. She was on morphine, out of it, resting on.a hospital bed the hospice people helped us setup in a common area of the house. My dad asked me, "Aren't you going to say goodbye to your mom?" I guess I was distracted by my new baby and probably needed to get back to do the daycare pickup. I went back and hugged, kissed her and told her I loved her. She died later that night.
Sending love and support your way.
I bet she did hang on for that bit of sweetness! XO
Beautiful story. Thank you for sharing. I love peonies.
Hugs. Thank you for sharing this powerful writing. I fear the day I lose my Mom.
Love your story. I understand tentative fiction.❤️ Death is hard.