Finding Your Fit By Flushing Your Closet
Jen is donating or selling nearly her entire wardrobe this year.
Jen Lueck’s shoes are legendary in our group.
She’s that style maven that shows up in Stella McCartney kicks bringing a case of White Castle sliders to the annual Christmas-movie binge party we call Dips n’ Bitches.
In our former lives we used to open restaurants together, in our current one she’s a PR pro who owns a few companies, operates a non-profit, and shows up to events in effortlessly architectural swing coats and swishing pants that would never upstage anyone, and yet call your eye back again and again. So it shocked me when she told me that we was thinking of getting rid of her entire wardrobe.
The overall plan for 2025: Giving her huge collection away through donations, selling some of it to people who want certain pieces, not buying anything new until she has reached a core collection that best fits who she is now after turning 50.
She’s looking for her true fit.
Doing things that are new and make her uncomfortable is part of this process, which is why Jen joined Instagram and TikTok FOR THE FIRST TIME to do this. I know! She has created an account called My Midlife Reset as a place to try on her clothes one more time before they get the boot. I went to her house last week to give her wardrobe my condolences, score a sparkle skirt, and chat up the WHY behind this idea.
But first you have to know what we mean by the word “closet”. Jen and her husband live with their two Frenchies (Albert and Grace) in a modest house in Minneapolis. When I went to check out the depth and breadth of her wardrobe, I had to visit all three levels of the house.
In the basement we found wheeled racks of blazers, hanging clothes, and stacks of clean laundry, on the main level there were coats, scarves, and shoes packed into the entryway closet, along with more coats on hooks by the door. Upstairs in the bedroom, there’s a closet packed with dresses and shoes (she pointed out that the row of shoes is actually a double row, you have look deep to see the back row. Then she pulled out her fave Stellas from under the settee. We moved onto the drawers built into the wall: the left side was her husband’s filled half-way up, the right side were hers drawers piled to the top. Then there was another dresser stacked neatly and full with sweaters, a bed-side dresser, even a slim cubby space holding drawers with stuff.
Everything is clean, fresh smelling, perfectly stacked and organized but: Jen can’t really get dressed in one room.
Wow, I had no idea.
Yeah, it’s a lot. And I’ve already given away huge bag-fulls of things to people and to Goodwill. And it’s kind of hard to take stock of everything and see how much I’ve accumulated, and that’s really a part of this. I don’t wear a lot of what’s here, so why am I holding on to it?
But you clearly love a good stylish piece of clothing.
Last year I had started realizing that I just have too much. So I did that initial cleanse of trying things on and committing to that if it doesn't fit, just get rid of it. But I was still left with a lot. And I also began feeling like I had maybe stopped trying. As I was going through all of the clothes, I kept putting on things and wondering: wow, this is really great, why aren't I wearing it? Why aren't I making an effort to wear it?
Because despite the volume of options, you end up wearing the same 10 things right?
Yeah! And it was fascinating to realize that I was rather buying into this feeling, as I'm getting older, of feeling really dismissed. I felt like I was being treated as if I didn't matter, and I think I’ve sort of been reflecting that back.
You have had a tumultuous last few years with business and friendships, besides turning 50.
I think it goes together. I looked like how I was feeling. I was just wearing the same things. And all of the ones I was picking, were the ones that were safe, and comfortable. No risk. But I was disappearing.
There’s that notion that we grew up with, that women in their 50’s begin to become invisible in society. Many attribute that to the loss of the male gaze as they track younger women, but I don’t think enough is said about how we vanish to ourselves. The women we used to know ourselves as are physically and emotionally changing. I think that’s a real part of it that we have to understand.
Yeah, and how you’re being treated feeds into that feeling. But hopefully you can be jolted into not agreeing to disappear. For me, it was just even asking the question: Why am I not making an effort anymore?
So trying on your ignored clothes was an awakening.
100 percent. Because it’s a creative outlet that I kind of forgot about. Over the last few years, as I was getting older, I think I just felt like I was okay with moving to the background, it was comfortable and easier. But that’s not who I am, and it’s not what I want really. I have to be ok with not being comfortable, which is why I started social media.
I still can’t believe that you made it to 50 without having a personal social media presence.
Well I’ve been super critical of myself, haven’t loved watching myself, but as I've gotten older, I have been kinder to myself. That's why I started social media, specifically videos of myself, which is definitely not a comfort zone for me. But I'm letting go of being really critical.
You’re not agreeing to shame yourself into the background just because you’re not the same person you were.
Right. Do I want to keep disappearing or do I want to stand up and be noticed? Because my body isn’t perfect doesn’t mean it’s not worthy of the things I enjoy, that make me happy!
So why get rid of it all?
Well, as you saw, I have too much. But, what's interesting is, as I was working through all of this in my head, we went on a three-week trip to Portugal and Spain for my birthday. I brought a carry-on. I did not check my luggage for three weeks, and I realized with less I can do more.
Having to be creative with the clothes that I did bring was kind of eye-opening. I didn't feel bored, or like I wasn't trying to make an effort. I just found myself having more fun with what I had. And ok, we did go shopping. We were there, right?! But that also made me realize that you can just get tired of buying and consuming. It might make you feel good in the moment, but when you bring it home and look at everything, it hits you: oh my God, why did I buy that? I have five other ones just like it.
Filling that void!
Yeah, prior to 50 I think that void was always being filled with food. I have a job around food, I work with food, I'm constantly surrounded by food. And I think, when I was little, I always felt guilty about food. Because I was adopted, I constantly believed you need to eat everything because there are other children starving and it could have been you.
The scarcity mindset was there from early on.
Right. And now, I think realizing that constant buying or acquiring of things I don't need, is a mind shift. It’s fear-based if I can’t just buy one shirt, I need to buy three. And who wants to live like that.
Ok so now you're in a good place, at midlife, when you've come to understand more of yourself. You feel like you have a better grip on all of this, and this act is really sort of cleansing you of this habit. But it’s also about style and fit.
Absolutely! Again: 50. So figuring out this other part, the style part, is really figuring out what I want to project going forward. And I know it's not going to be a straight line.
With every piece I have to ask: is it projecting who I want to be now, in this life? How does it make me feel? Does it fit not just my body shape or the current trend, but does it fit the me I want to project into the world? So it will take time. I think the easy thing could have been just to get rid of it all, right? But I'm worried that I'd just start over. I really want to be thoughtful about each piece. I’m giving myself the year to go through it.
I’m trying to go through categories, but then also subcategories. Like I can start on skirts, but then I’d have to go into just denim skirts. I keep some, I get rid of some, but I’m staying flexible because I might have to revisit a category if I realize that I’ve kept too many along the journey.
It’s crazy how there are things in here that you have loved buying, you love the style or you appreciate the art of the piece, but you’ve never worn it.
That’s hard. But it’s also forcing me to wear them! Those shoes I wore last night (we were at a fashion charity event) were never worn. They were Sarah Jessica Parker shoes from five years ago, and they are signed! Those aren't everyday shoes, right? So last night was a great reason to wear them. And I realized they're actually comfortable. My feet aren't killing me, and they end up being a nice winter heel option. So those would be something, in theory, I'd think I would need to get rid of. But now, I realize, maybe I just had to figure out how to wear them.
Do you have a guiding metric? As in, are you trying to get rid of a certain number of things? And, have you ever counted everything? The number of shoes alone would be fascinating to me!
It's terrible. Um, no, it's terrible. But as I go through this I’m deciding what a closet is too, maybe it should be its own space that I have for all the things that I now keep and love all the more. Maybe it’s more of a creative space and deserves to be part of my home office.
I love that you’re doing this process on video, on social and asking for feedback. You’re making it like a lady sesh rom-com montage if we were all sitting in your bedroom and you were trying on stuff. I love voting for things.
There are pieces that I still really like. But putting it on is the key to seeing how it makes you feel, if it’s really a fit. Some of those feelings are really hard to draw out until you actually wear the clothes, and it’s been shocking to me that I've actually been enjoying the video part of it! Because I rarely see myself.
To see myself in those videos, and to allow my own measurement has been fascinating.
So you’re donating most of what you don’t want to keep, and giving away bits to people you know. But you’re also going to sell some things online to get them out into the world.
A friend is helping me take pics and post some things. I want to keep everything under $30 so that it goes to people who really want it, who will really wear it.
And I’m open to collaborating on posts on the socials too, if anyone else wants to go through their closets and we can make a whole mission of it. That’s why I didn’t make it my name.
I’m all in for creating a clothing swap event. We should do that for sure. Ok one last question, of all the things you’ve already given away, is there anything that you’ve felt regret over? Any piece you wish you could call back from the bins?
Not one. I don't miss any of it. None of it.
Check out Jen’s socials to see what she’s giving away, to root her on and help her refine her 50’s fit (while maybe scoring some sweet new threads for yourself). Also, if you’re at all interested in a midlife clothing swap, make sure you’re a subscriber to Pickle, as we’ll post up info here!!
Well you know this is all right down my alley.
I am in my 50s and I don’t think I’ve ever pushed myself (or had the chance to) more into saying yes to change or big moments so much. I love change, but I’m just taking note of this now.
I think that also fuels a bit of a shopping addiction. I know what it takes to dress well - that’s my job. I do think women in our age group these days are seeking a bit of what they think is reinvention… which leads to a lot of trial and error.
Also, my house situation is the same. I am not the girl with the beautiful fancy closet (although I wish I was if anyone wants to *sponsor* one for me 🤣 However, you sometimes forget what you already have and end up replacing things you never needed to without a good recall of what you already have.
Love this. You can literally write about anything and interest me, Steph.
This post is so interesting because of what you have to say about how our perception is the key and invention requires our attention to what we already have. It tells my story as well, in a way. My age is almost 3 decades older and your description of we, ourselves, think of becoming invisible. Not blaming the world. Such an interesting read. Thank you.